What is a Unicorn in a Relationship?
Anyone of any gender can be a unicorn, but in modern dating terms, a unicorn is usually a bisexual woman who joins an existing couple for a polyamorous relationship or a threesome. In the context of unicorn relationships, the unicorn often identifies as bisexual or pansexual and agrees to join an existing heterosexual couple.
Depending on what’s agreed by those within the unicorn relationship, the unicorn’s role can be both sexual and emotional. While the desire to find a unicorn may come from fantasy, it’s essential to remember that unicorns are real people with emotions. They’re not just there to fulfil sexual fantasies. Unicorn relationships must always be respectful, consensual, and equal.
Whether you’re curious about dating a unicorn for one night or thinking of inviting a third partner long-term, boundaries, consent, and communication are non-negotiable.
What Does “Looking for a Unicorn” Mean?
When a couple is looking for a unicorn, they’re searching for an open-minded person (usually a bisexual woman) who is open to joining their relationship. However, it’s important to note that some unicorns might be men or non-binary individuals who are also open to the idea of joining a couple.
Typically, unicorns in heterosexual couples are attracted to both partners, offering a bridge between the desires of both. While many couples might be searching for a unicorn, finding someone who aligns with your needs can be tricky. So, if you’re looking to find a unicorn, you’ll need to navigate some important dynamics.
Unicorn Dating: Myths vs. Reality
Myth #1: Unicorns Only Exist for Threesomes
Unicorns aren’t always just looking for threesomes or sexual fantasies. While some might only be seeking new sexual experiences, many unicorns are also searching for deep, fulfilling bonds that go beyond the physical. Just like you, they care about meaningful companionship.
Myth #2: Unicorns Don’t Have a Say in the Relationship
If you think unicorns are just there to fit your desires, your unicorn relationship probably won’t last long. Couples who treat unicorns as accessories won’t get much from the experience either. To unlock the magic within a unicorn relationship, all three people must openly discuss boundaries and make sure everyone feels respected, valued, and included.
Myth #3: Unicorns Are Easy to Find
Unless you know where to look, in reality, finding a unicorn can be quite difficult. Many unicorns find the power dynamics in these relationships tricky and won’t jump in unless they feel comfortable. Being honest, transparent, and respectful of a unicorn’s needs will make navigating the dating process smoother.
How to Find a Unicorn: Tips for Couples
As with any dating, you and your partner will need to find a unicorn who’s just as interested in you as you are in them. Here are three tips to help you get started:
1. Be Transparent
Communication is everything. Be clear with each other and the unicorn about your intentions and what you’re looking for in a third partner. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, and always be upfront.
2. Respect Boundaries
When you’re in a relationship with a unicorn, remember they are an equal partner. While they may be willing to join an existing couple, they will be just as willing to leave if it’s not working for them. Give them space to express their own desires and boundaries.
3. Manage Jealousy
If you’re new to polyamory or navigating insecurities, jealousy might creep in. This can complicate both your existing relationship and your unicorn relationship. That’s why it’s important to discuss jealousy openly and tackle it together. The more trust you build, the easier it will be to handle.
Top Three Rules for Meeting a Unicorn in Dating
Meeting and dating a unicorn can be exhilarating if approached with care. Here are the top three rules for a positive experience:
1. Prioritise Open Communication
Clear and honest dialogue is crucial when searching for a unicorn. Discuss your intentions and be transparent. Make sure everyone involved feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings.
2. Respect Boundaries
Everyone has their own boundaries, and it’s important to honour them. Discuss what each person is comfortable with and ensure everyone has a voice. This respect creates a safe environment for the unicorn to explore if they want to join.
3. Be Prepared for Jealousy
Jealousy is common in any relationship, especially in unicorn dating. Acknowledge the emotions and be proactive in discussing them. By addressing jealousy openly, you can maintain harmony in the relationship and ensure that everyone feels valued.
Navigating Unicorn Relationships: Common Challenges
Bringing a unicorn into your relationship can introduce new challenges. Here are some you might face:
Jealousy Triggers
Three can be a crowd—especially when jealousy or personal insecurities aren’t addressed. Navigating these emotions is tough, but open communication, trust, and ensuring all parties feel heard can help you overcome them.
Balancing Emotional Needs
In a traditional couple, meeting each other’s needs is much simpler. When a third partner joins, things can get more complicated. All partners need to feel emotionally invested and included. If someone feels left out, the relationship can quickly become unbalanced.
Respecting Individual Boundaries
You and your partner may have different desires or needs that change as you explore with a third person. It’s essential to check in regularly and respect each other’s emotions while making space for the unicorn to feel like a true part of the dynamic.
The Unicorn Perspective: A Bisexual Woman’s Take
As a bisexual woman, my most fulfilling unicorn relationships have been with couples who are open-minded, transparent, and respect my independence. While some unicorns are initially drawn to the excitement of unicorn dating, many of us are also looking for a deeper emotional connection. Don’t assume—ask us! When respect and trust are maintained, a unicorn relationship can be exciting, rewarding, and fulfilling for everyone.
Remember: Respect, Consent and Communication Are Key
Unicorns are people, not just sexual fantasies. Whether you’re a couple exploring a new dynamic or a unicorn yourself, mutual respect, consent, and communication are the foundation of any successful relationship.
If you’re curious about how to find a unicorn or looking to date one, make sure you’re approaching it with the right mindset—one that prioritises the needs of everyone. After all, in a unicorn relationship, fun, fulfilment, and pleasure should always be a three-way street.
Antonia J is a seasoned writer, editor, and consultant with over a decade of experience, specialising in topics that celebrate identity, diversity, empowerment, and intimacy. As a proud bisexual and neurodivergent woman, her work is fuelled by a passion for fostering acceptance, inclusivity, and meaningful conversations about human connection and liberation.She has collaborated with pioneering brands such as Killing Kittens, WAX, Coco de Mer, Hunger Magazine, and The Diversity Standards Collective, bringing visions to life through impactful words, creativity and storytelling. Notable contributions include crafting articles with sex and relationship experts for Killing Kittens, shaping the WAX community’s inclusive values, and conceptualising Coco de Mer & Sotheby’s “Eroticism in Art” film. This project, a collaboration with acclaimed photographer and director Rankin, drew thought-provoking parallels between the worlds of art and sex and was showcased at Sotheby’s “Erotic Passion & Desire” event in 2018. Her writing has also featured in DIVA Magazine, the leading global publication for LGBTQIA+ women and non-binary individuals.Drawing from her extensive study and lived experience, Antonia’s work explores themes such as relationship dynamics, tantra, polyamory, unicorns, shibari, mindfulness and mental health awareness. Deeply inspired by the intersections of psychology, attachment theory, and personal transformation, she brings a knowledgeable and non-judgemental voice to the evolving dialogue on modern relationships and sexual expression, and views every connection and exploration as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.